Can´t People Be Perfect, I’m Tired Of Carrying This Anger Inside Me From Others Imperfections
From Rik Center:
Within a reflective journey of understanding anger, there is a need to add the word frustration. Not wanting something to be what it is, hence we feel frustrated as our needs are not being met. Wanting people or something to be how I need or how something should be expressed to meet the desires of my mind. Expecting the nature of life and others to meet our own personal cravings can never be fulfilled to dissipate our past hurts. Even people we know and respect may suddenly act or speak not how we expect, so it feels hurtful or confusing, instantaneously we can turn the other into some horrible being or become defensive.
This sense of the defensive could actually be the mind feeling offended, as there might be an undertone of self-protection that is misplaced. We may think we are defending ourselves, yet if we inquire within it's another not speaking or acting the way my thoughts desire they should. If we carry within us a number of hurts and pains from the past we are not having a resolution with our sympathetic nervous system stays aroused and/or on guard looking for who is not going to make us feel right and heard. Recognizing that we are the only ones that can ultimately offer kindness and compassion toward ourselves from the past, begins a slow softening within us. As we soften, we also give more space to others. No other person's journey is the same as ours as we each respond from our history and the narratives we cling to within ourselves.
Reflecting on my own upset and anger with others. I followed its path of cause and effect and recognized it came from an inner feeling of other people placing their expectations of how I should be and act. This is my story and the way out is the learning to trust oneself. Knowing our intentions and what motivates us. This realization is a wake-up call. I find the mind of the western world keeps wanting others to be liberated and perfect so I/we can feel better. Yet, we zoom right past ourselves in learning that inner freedom comes from within ourselves. Understanding what kindness, loving and compassion mean from a Buddhist perspective has been a gift. True growth and awakening are what we do for ourselves, no one can do it for us. If we base our lives on others becoming liberated in how our thoughts need them to be, we will continually run around in total discontentment until the day we pass on.
I’ll share these words from the Dalai Lama and his wisdom from, ‘Healing Hatred: The Power of Patience From A Buddhist Perspective.’
The destructive effects of hatred are very visible, very obvious and immediate. For example, when a strong or forceful thought of hatred arises, at that very instant it overwhelms one totally and destroys one’s peace and presence of mind. When that hateful thought is harbored inside, it makes one feel tense and uptight, and can cause loss of appetite, leading to loss of sleep, and so forth.
If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that, generally speaking, they arise when we feel hurt, when we feel that we have been unfairly treated by someone against our expectations. If in that instant we examine carefully the way anger arises, there is a sense that it comes as a protector, comes as a friend that would help our battle or in taking revenge against the person who has inflicted harm on us. But in reality that is an illusion. It is a very delusory state of mind.
On the contrary, if one reacts to a situation in a negative way instead of in a tolerant way, not only is there no immediate benefit, but also a negative attitude and feeling is created which is the seed of one’s future downfall. There is an unpleasant expression, and the vibration that the person sends is very hostile. People can sense it, and it is almost as if one can feel steam coming out of that person’s body. Indeed not only are human beings capable of sensing it, but pets and other animals also try to avoid that person at that instant.
In addition, when such intense anger and hatred arise, it makes the best part of our brain, which is the ability to judge between right and wrong and assess long-term and short-term consequences, become totally inoperable. It can no longer function. It is almost as if the person had become crazy. These are the negative effects of generating anger and hatred.
“The only factor that can give refuge or protection from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is the practice of tolerance and patience.”